It's December

Haha, was the title obvious enough?

Anyways, noticed I hadn't updated in a while and...figured I should before work, while I have the motivation. I agreed to come in a few hours early, though I so wish I were waiting for the Rammstein concert in NYC rather than work. Ah well, I just hope I can catch the next tour (when?) in Europe. I guess this is part of being "grown up," haha.

Okay, on to the updates.

The bathers at work are dropping like flies!! The other "primary" bather, who was planning to go to academy, hates it and is planning to quit once a new bather is hired; another bather took her technical and is a groomer now; and when I got the call today to see if I could come in a few hours early I was told that the third bather quit (not too big of a deal as she was only working one day a week). So...more hours at least!

I'm liking my job better so I'm not too bothered by all of this, and I certainly like a nicer paycheck, so I'll take it.

Let's see...what else...I was looking into getting a Green-Cheeked Conure (as probably the only people who read this know) and had all the research done, everything decided and whatnot. Spoke to my ma about it and she said no, that she really doesn't want anymore animals in the house. I kind of figured she might say no, so...not that big of a deal even if I do really like the bird. I was going to use my employee holiday coupon(s) to get it, but instead I'm looking into getting the grooming stuff I've been thinking of getting for a while (my own shears, clippers, brushes, all that jazz -- though not all of it I can buy from PetSmart). No biggie.

She said a while ago that I could get a second dog, however, and since I was keeping track of an ad for a Miniature Schnauzer a few hours away I was encouraged to e-mail about her (thanks, Kamie -- and that was sincere). She is still available, so I've started getting information about her. Given the sort of trip it would entail I have to wait until I have at least one day off anyways...maybe I can finally get my rent deposit back, too...

I'm still being encouraged to go to academy for grooming. I'm...still not sure. I still have some things I need to think about and figure out before I make a decision, but I have until February and it's not going by too fast so I'm not too worried about it. One of the things though is that I need to get a hold of HR somehow -- I feel kind of weird asking for the information from one of the managers because I know it'd seem like I have an issue that I'm going above them for, but it's really just for a question I have that they may or may not have an answer for. I suppose I could ask them on the chance they do, but, well, still figuring it out.

Otherwise...Jeep is still due for an inspection. I need to get my ass to AutoZone or something to get new brakes and rotors (luckily just for the front) as well as usual tune-up stuff. Rob said I could use their driveway...I'd kind of prefer my uncle's garage though. It's heated. It's a bitch trying to work on a vehicle when your hands are cold -- I know from experience.

Otherwise...yea, not too much. I'm still playing with that "novel" I was supposed to write last month, adding to it when I remember to, really. I'm all over the place -- I skipped ahead and started working on something that came to mind but wasn't really coming up just yet in the novel. Oh well, that's what I do. And at least I'm working on it, right?

A Better Update

It would figure that after posting that last entry things would simmer down.

I spent a while just being pissed and stressed and upset because, you know, life's shit sometimes. I calmed down after a long while of trying to do research and stuff (and figuring out what kind of debt those medical bills would put me at: bad idea!); my ma asked me what was wrong because she saw I was upset and I just told her stress (I was still trying to figure things out), so she told me if it was financial they would help me out. Later, after she spoke with my pops and he told her about the hospital calling, she told me not to worry about it that workers comp always tries to deny claims and not to pay anything. So, after a few more phone calls, I guess I have to call the workers comp board and get some form or another...it's written on something downstairs...and go from there. She said if that doesn't work we'll get a lawyer.

So...I'm feeling largely better on all of that. Not as stressed, at the very least. Not feeling as if my life is falling apart completely. It still needs to be addressed and everything, but, at least I'm not stuck with those bills on top of what else I owe. Speaking of which...I still need to find a co-signer for a loan. Apparently sometimes credit card companies will negotiate for less if you can pay up front, which might be something I'll look into. I might still need a loan, but at least it would be for less.

I have a few days off in a row the week following Thanksgiving so I think I might try and plan a trip to Syracuse. Try and finally get my rent deposit back. Just need to get a hold of a couple people before I can plan that.

The ACD that had been on my mind for a while seems to have been adopted, which is good! I had serious doubts it would have worked anyways, and it's really probably just as well while I get certain other things sorted out.

Otherwise...tomorrow I'll finally be ordering a new pair of earphones: it's been nearly unbearable having to do without the past several days! I don't do well without earphones apparently...

And I just realized how horribly I'm doing at writing a novel this month. November 20 and I'm still at less than a thousand words. Can you tell I haven't been good about writing it? I would have worked on it lately but, I'm going to go ahead and blame the lack of earphones on that one.

Just the other day this would have been fairly upbeat...

Wow, it's been more than a month since my last entry...

I was going to make this the other day, but, this works.

Uhm...that little crisis of mine is still sticking around and now it's just all over the place. I honestly don't know what's going on there. I seriously think I just need to go and see a career counselor and get that shit figured out.

Otherwise...work hasn't really been that bad lately. I think it's getting better, actually. I think it's a combination of: more experience, having a salon manager (who, personally, I like), and the co-worker who gave me the most grief is no longer there. The work environment's improved I think, and my skills have improved as well as having people who will actually help me out when I need it with a dog -- I just have to work on actually asking, because I don't always do that.

I keep getting asked if I plan on going to academy to be a groomer. I don't know if that's just something they encourage all bathers to do or if they actually think I'm good enough and could be a good groomer...I don't know. I've thought about it I guess, given it thought at least, but I don't really know. I'm leaning towards no because I don't know as I want to commit to it for at least two years...but at the same time my head's telling me: full-time hours, commission, solid work. You know, stuff like that. My head is apparently as confused as I am.

Money situation...I need new work boots, probably new sneakers, I need new headphones/earphones, my Jeep's due for an inspection next month and needs work. Oh yea, there's Christmas too -- a holiday I'm beginning to feel neutral about at best. There's also that whole "I want a second dog" deal. I feel like I'm barely making payments on my credit cards (I only have two) and my truck payment with a little to spare. I feel like I need to get as many hours as I can, even if my schedule is shit, otherwise I'll be fucked. I'm still owed $400 and need at least an oil change on my Jeep before I can go up to get it -- and hopefully I won't have to take the people to small claims. Let's see...what else...I know Jin's due for her yearly and her rabies the beginning of 2011 and next year we're beginning the senior wellness stuff, so we'll see how much that is. Oh, yea, and I found out when I got home today that apparently workers comp is denying payment on the medical bills I accrued one Friday back in August because it's medical-related and not work-related.

I'm...pissed. I'm upset. I have no idea where things are going right now. I can't fucking afford those bills and if I have to fight it legally I don't think I could afford that either. I have to call the hospital: they gave a number to call so I can talk to their workers comp advisor. After fighting all fucking year to avoid bankruptcy I might have to file for it anyways. At fucking 22!

Life's just great...

To think I was on my way home today (it was a pretty good day, too -- I had my favorite St Bernard in for a bath and brush) thinking about an ACD at the SPCA and wondering if I should just give it a shot, see if they still do trials and see if I can convince my ma to give a trial run to see if an ACD could work in the situation after all. To think...

Something tells me my life's falling apart instead...again this year. It was just starting to fucking stabilize too.

I also forgot my iPod at work earlier so I have to drive back up there to pick it up.

Crisis Continued

So I've been thinking more on this crisis of mine...well, not really thinking on it, but rather fussing with it. Entertaining it? That works.

I'm thinking I might see a career counselor.

I took a couple career aptitude tests online (I know, most tests online are bunk, but I had to do something about this little issue of mine). One was really weak and advised a career in advertising and marketing...yea, right. The second one was much more involved, but I'm not gonna say it was anything great. It did say some things which I thought were pretty accurate, but some things that I wasn't entirely sure on...I have to pay for the job matches though. I think I might keep record of what it did provide me with, however.

Hence the idea of seeing a career counselor: try and figure all this shit out. I imagine most people would think I'm losing it or whatever, seeing a career counselor at 22, but I'd much rather get all of this figured out now and get on the right path than wait until I'm 30 and still have no idea what I'm doing. I really need to finally get my life in order. Besides, maybe seeing a therapist about this little crisis might help me with other issues in my life...which, honestly, there is by no means a shortage of.

I really need to find something else jobwise though...apparently two of the four bathers are planning on giving their notice, which pisses me off because of all the shit that's been going on there. I bust my ass only to be lectured about shit I don't need to be lectured about and get fucked over because I'm the only one with open availability and of course the one they go to when they need someone to work additional hours. I don't even really enjoy my job. I'm just too fucking responsible. So take note: being responsible can fuck you over.

Hopefully I can just get my shit together at some point and stop having to stress about everything...is that really so much to ask?

Personal Crisis

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you feel like you don't know where you're going?

I'm sure the answer is probably yes. That's where I feel like I am at the moment. I feel stuck, actually. In a way I have all year but now it's hit me full-force...has me backed up in a corner and has me pinned.

I have no idea where anything in my life is going. I'm hoping it's up, but for all I know I still have another year or more of just being stuck, or I could fall further down this mineshaft and hit bottom again. Could even get lost.

For a while now I thought for sure I had finally found what I want to do with my life. Now I'm second guessing, wondering if it's really what I want to commit my life to. Sure, I could always go back to school for something else or whatever, but I don't feel right pursuing a career with that in mind, with the idea that "well, if it doesn't work out, I'll just go back to school" lingering in the back of my head. I know it's better than nothing, pursuing something is better than just lazing around, but is it really?

I'm keeping my options open on the job front, actually hoping to get out of where I am, but nothing has come of that yet. My longest standing job was a couple of months short of two-years and I haven't really found anything that works since...what does that say?

I'm worried I'll commit to something only to end up finding, shortly afterwards, that it's not what I want to do. That I don't even enjoy it. Sure, it's good to get a feel for a career before deciding on it, but if you can't even get on the path...how do you do that?

There's nothing in this area unless one is a professional or has adequate experience in a management position. Neither is the case for me, really. I want to go back to school, I do, but I don't want to waste time and money by going back when I can't focus and can't juggle everything and end up just dropping the classes to avoid failing them instead.

I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis or something, but I'm only 22. I've spent all my life going from wanting to be one thing to another, and now I'm at another point where I just have no fucking idea...and it's depressing. I'm trying to get my life straightened out and everything, but it's not working at all. It hasn't been working for some time now. In fact, I got royally fucked over because I tried too hard to force it to work and progress when in fact I was being foolish. I don't want to make that mistake again. I don't want to push something, pursue something, just to be proven wrong again. Perhaps I'm being overcritical, overthinking things, too cautious, whatever.

I missed numerous signs at one point that something was not meant to be, and by pushing it, believing the adage "where there's a will there's a way" I fucked myself over deep...making a bad situation even worse. I'm still contending with all of that. Now I wonder if I'm getting those same signs with my career path, hell, with my life even...and fucking hell do I want to make that same mistake twice.

I just don't know what to do otherwise...I think about the people who have found a career that they truly love, and that's all I want to do. I'm having one bitch of a time doing that though.

I just needed to get all of this off of my chest and out of my head. I fucking hate thinking about my life, but today I haven't been able to avoid it. Feel free to ignore this entry. It's largely just a rant...

Update, and an Official Decision

It's been a while. Things on the job front have been improving...kind of. My handling skills of the dogs have gotten better (I think) as have a number of other skills -- I'm still not at professional level or anything, but I've only been at it about a month. Despite that...I still wouldn't say that I'm enjoying my job. I'm still keeping my options open, though I don't know when I might have an opportunity to take something else. In the meantime, I'm officially cross-trained for register work as well and will be able to pick up some hours there if I'd like. I actually enjoy register work and always have, but it's a killer on the knees and I've finally gotten mine pretty strong again. Like I said, I'm still keeping my options open (but not expecting anything any time soon).

In other news...took a nice long hike with Jin Tuesday and really enjoyed it, it was a really nice hike. I got some pictures (even managed a few of her). Interestingly part way through the hike Jin alerted to what I imagine was a possible "episode" (syncope) though she's never been with me when I've had anything like that happen. I thought she was just being weird at first until it started to hit me, so I sat down and she waited with me (not nervous at all like she usually is if I sit down on a hike, rather it was her dutiful-type wait like when I slip or fall on a hike); we waited it out and I waited for her to give sign that things were good before standing. We were pretty much good for the rest of the hike. It was pretty amazing. My ma told me to be sure I pay attention to what she's telling me from now on, haha.

My life seems so boring...only other things I can think to mention are a couple decisions I've come to.

First is in regard to my debt. I am not catching up to the fucking thing while it's on my card, so I've decided to speak to my bank about a loan to take care of it. I know it sounds like I'm just moving the debt, but the interest rate will be lower, the payments will be consistent (opposed to all over the place like they are on a card), and I'll actually be able to catch up on it...I have until the 24th to get the loan, because I agreed to a payment that day and I'd like to have that money in my account so when the payment comes out I can immediately follow it with a payment for the total balance. Not sure how it works with an automatic payment (it's just for this month), hence the waiting until after it's taken out of my account. I agreed to it and then, after the call, realized my car payment is three days afterwards...I'd have the amount in my account for one or the other, but not both. Maybe once that's taken care of I can start paying on car insurance as well...yay!

All right, second decision. I've been all over the place on this one lately, but...I think I'm going to put off getting a second dog until a later date. No set date, of course, but I need to get my financials in order and possibly a different job as well. A job with a regular schedule seems to be elusive as of late...

It's a side-effect of finally "growing up" this year. I've been really critical of decisions in 2010, thinking them over (almost to death, and sometimes to the death of the "possibility") to be sure to avoid mistakes, especially mistakes I've made at least once in the past. This is kind of a decision that was cemented just today, but a decision I'm going to stick to nonetheless. I just don't feel I can bring a second dog into the mix, not when I'm still worrying about getting bills paid and keeping money in my account. I refuse to count on/rely upon anything happening either (i.e. getting a dog because this will happen, or that will happen, and things will be good) because shit happens, in my life especially, and that thing could end up not happening and fucking things up. It's not pessimistic, for anyone considering telling me that: it's realistic. It's happened many a time before, and it's about time I learned a lesson from it.

So, for now, it will remain as just Jin and I. I won't even get a mouse or anything (that's how bad my financials are at the moment). Once things are settled and my life is back on track and remaining there for a bit, then I'll return to the search for a second dog.

As for Syd: he had a meeting with an interested adopter the 11th and I believe it went well because he's no longer on the site. Good for him! The boy deserves a great family! In a way it works as well because, it turns out, I wasn't ready anyways.

From Dead Fish to Mouthwash

Yes, Jin and I have been back to getting some "hiking" in -- I've been lazy, however, and heading out late so our hikes haven't been very long...

Anyways! Tonight Jin found a dead fish. No biggie, because she finds them all the time to roll on and never really smells afterwards. Well, apparently that's because longer hikes help to get rid of the smell...this was not a long hike. When we got back to the Jeep I smelled something weird...wasn't sure what to think, but it was definitely in the Jeep. Well, it took until the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through window before I realized it was dead fish smell on Jin (I wasn't sure if I'd stepped in something or if it was her, or both). Yay, right?

Once home I wiped her down, then tried Palmolive to see if that'd help. Not really.

Next step was spraying a paper towel with Nature's Miracle, letting it sit a bit, then wiping off. Tried that twice. No luck.

Tried a dryer sheet at a friend's suggestion, but no luck. Tried baby powder -- well, looked for some but we didn't have any.

So finally I did a search online and it seemed most suggestions were the same as for skunk smell. Well, just so happened I've been reading about de-skunk methods! Went and grabbed the mouthwash and a washcloth and went to work wiping Jin down. It seemed to work! Jin says I'm a jerk though...but at least I didn't put her in the tub, I say. A sniff test just confirmed that she still smells largely of mouthwash, with just a touch of stink...but it's mild (from what I can tell) and I can deal with that. She's still not happy with me, I don't think.

I took the camera along but wasn't able to really get any pics. You see, I'm a shitty photographer. Plus the sun was working on setting so the light was interesting as well. The river looks really neat at that point in the day though, which makes it too bad I suck at taking photos.

The last time we went hiking (God, I can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before...) we went to Dunkin' Donuts afterwards and the girl at the window was nice and gave Jin a piece of bacon (after asking if she could first). Next time she waits on me I'm gonna give her a few bucks for tip, because I think it was good for Jin (she almost got her to come close enough to take the bacon) and she gave me a lot of whipped cream on my Coolatta. I love whipped cream.

Hmm...otherwise, not much has changed. Keeping my options open job-wise but dunno what that will do for me. Otherwise I'm making enough money to squeak by. I think I'm losing a little weight, which is good, as I've been wanting to/trying to. I think my folks get back from vacation tomorrow...

Fuck My Life

I have officially decided I need to find a different job.

The bitch of it? Seems the jobs that are plentiful might not even work: my older brother made a valid point that, with my damned syncope, it could actually be a dangerous job for me. So I'm trying to find something else that the non-compete contract I signed doesn't disqualify me from...so to sum it up, basically, once again this year I've fucked myself over.

I really have to learn how to stop doing that...I really have to learn how to get my fucking life in order. At least get it to where it's bearable and I'm not stressing for money, either. Unfortunately, my best ideas are either stupid/wouldn't actually work, or else they're illegal.

Maybe if people would actually fucking pay me back I might have more options available to me!

Well, that gave an idea...anyone know of a loan shark looking to hire some muscle (I know, loan sharking isn't usually legal, but whatever)? I'm not very big, but I know how to swing a bat (among other things), have been told I punch pretty hard, and I have a temper and frustrations from which I can draw some "inspiration." I can also be pretty creative, or follow directions if that's preferred. I can type up a résumé if necessary.

Dilemma...

Okay, so my last regular job I had to get out of for my own mental health...arguably physical as well, but whatever. I was, quite literally, depressed before I quit there and it was getting progressively worse: I felt worlds better as soon as I no longer had to return to work at that place. Why did I stay that long? Quite frankly, because I needed to make money.

The job that I took and I thought allowed me to quit that job didn't really work out, so I not only wanted another, I actually needed another. Now I have one and...technically I've actually worked it for only four (well, approximately four) shifts and...I'm not enjoying it. I've had the last couple of days off and go back tomorrow and...I don't want to.

I'm sure it sounds like I'm being a picky, self-entitled insertwordofchoicehere, but I don't really give a fuck. Even in my last job I felt life was too short to put up with a job you dislike, don't enjoy, even hate (as was the case working where I was), so it's difficult justifying putting up with it for the sake of a paycheck. But at the same time I'm hurting for money...with this job I'm not sure I've given it the chance I ought to, but at the same time it was only a couple of months ago that I quit a job that made me absolutely fucking miserable. So while I can say "oh, it could get better", at the same time I know all too well what it's like working a job I truly hate going to.

Probably the biggest reason I'm not enjoying this is simply because I don't like to have to physically manhandle pretty much every dog I have to deal with, literally fight with them to get something done, because it's easier for the owners to bring their dog to a "professional" than put the time into working with them themselves. That's a big reason I worked so damn hard with my own dog, because I don't like to have to fight with a dog to do a job. Now, I know, I want to work with dogs, but unless I'm seriously missing something, I don't have to manhandle them to train them or work as a behaviorist; in fact, generally, if you have to fight with the dog as much as I have with most of the dogs I've tried doing a nail trim on, you're doing something wrong in the animal behavior field.

Besides, as an animal behaviorist, I'm working with people to actually change these behaviors, opposed to dealing with the behaviors myself so the owner doesn't have to, with no chance of actually trying to change them because that's not what my job is: it's to get the task done, plain and simple. Or so it's made to sound.

There's something that builds upon that, however. Despite hours of "training" and certifications, I still have mostly a theoretical idea on how to do certain things...I've had no real one-on-one training. Sure, the groomers I have worked with have been great with answering my questions and stuff, but no one has really worked with me to be sure I really know what I'm doing. Then I get stuck working an entire day completely alone in the grooming salon where I had to essentially train myself. I learned the computer program by myself, winged it with making phone calls and appointments and providing quotes (which I know I made a few mistakes on), read the big-ass binder handbook and learned a few things I already made a mistake on, and had to have a few people return on a different day for a nail trim to be completed because I had no one to help keep the dog on the table. No idea what they'll think of that, but I don't really care...I did what I could. Never got a break, had several moments where things were just insane, and a man ended up doing his dog's nails himself (he was a show ring Rhodesian Ridgeback; the guy had far more experience than I do with a Dremel, he just didn't have his for forgetting it at a show). That's not allowed, by the way.

I know things can get better as I gain more experience, but it's difficult to gain confidence with that experience when I can barely get a job done. Not to mention, even with the experience, I'm going to constantly be fighting with dogs and manhandling them in order for me to do something that largely frightens them. I mean, everyone says how Cockers are so horrible on the table and stuff but honestly, it's been the Labs and Lab-mixes that have been the majority of my nightmares and I know it's because most of these people just don't bother to get their dog used to it and figure it's easier to just have a groomer take care of things for them. Well, you know what, sometimes that "groomer" is just a bather who's still learning, and even when that's not the case your dog is still stressed as all hell because some stranger they've never met before is cutting their nails, something they're already scared about. The only person it benefits is the owner: the least they could do is condition the dog to being handled so it's easier, at least for the dog, but I suppose that's too much to ask if they're using it as a convenience service.

I did give one man who came in with a Lab-mix some information and told him he could look up ways to desensitize her to getting her nails cut because he admitted he had tried it himself but she reacted much the same way (though, I imagine, not as dramatically only because I had her on a grooming table): he was very receptive to it, even when I told him it would probably take a lot of time. The others I didn't think would bother with the advice, and being as I was pretty stressed out myself, I just didn't feel like bothering. I know, it's horrible, but it is what it is.

All said...I don't think I'm going to grow to enjoy being a bather/brusher, and for those who do enjoy it, believe me, you have my biggest respects. Personally, I'm wondering if I might be wise to see about either transferring or finding a different job (that is, if they don't suggest as much tomorrow)...yes, even after such short a time.

Updates, More or Less

I have been terrible at posting in this thing...honestly though, I think part of that has to do with the fact I just haven't found my life all that horribly interesting lately. No, I'm not depressed, just...unenthused with where things are at the moment, I suppose.

Anyways...I've started working at Petsmart as a bather/brusher: got all of my certifications and training and stuff done last week. Yesterday I had a couple of more difficult dogs to try and bathe and such and learned the ropes of proper drying (hey, I have a dog with a slick coat, I just towel her off and let her air dry in the house on the rare occasion I give her a bath), but today was easier, and that was because I had a terrier opposed to Labs. Imagine that...

Okay, I didn't have him, one of the groomers did, but he asked me to get him bathed while he worked on a Japanese Chin, so...

Of the dogs I've bathed so far, that Westie was easily the best (though part of that was me knowing what I was doing: last Friday I also bathed a Jack who was good for the bath as well). I ended up towel drying him because he didn't like the air coming out of the velocity dryer (easier for him and there was plenty of time), so we spent a good while getting to know one another between me putting him in his cage, bathing him, drying him, and checking up on him. He really enjoyed getting dried off, actually: it was fun for the both of us, I think, haha. We became buddies even, though I didn't get to see the final results -- I was out while he was on the table and left after clocking out because I needed to go and eat. I'll admit though, he really rekindled my terrier lust (probably especially after discussing Airedales last night); doesn't help I wanted a Westie when I was a kid...loved terriers even then.

I was supposed to bathe and brush a Chessie this morning too, but they didn't show, unfortunately. I was looking forward to the chance when I saw it in the appointment book.

Anyways...not too much more has been going on. Working and earning a paycheck, and finally got my younger brother to start paying me back the money he owes (now just to get everyone else who owes me to do the same). This past Sunday I went out with my older brother, his fiancée, one of her brothers, and a couple of my brother's friends: it was loads of fun -- even the miniature golf, which I don't normally like. I might cover that later...we'll see.

The biggest news, probably, is from last Friday. I don't care to go into much details, but...I was diagnosed with syncope...at the ER. Basically, if I get too hot, too hungry, dehydrated, whatever, I get light heated and can pass-out. It's happened twice before, but I never knew it was actually an ailment, for lack of a better term. So, I have to be sure to keep hydrated, not get too hungry or too hot, all that jazz otherwise I could have an episode. Joy. During the most recent one I actually "cracked my head open"; the laceration wasn't too big, and the doc said it was mostly superficial, so it didn't need stitches but he wanted to put Dermabond on it to keep it from bleeding again and stuff (it bled a lot!)-- basically he glued my head "back together." He said that at least I have short hair because it makes it easier, but I'm not supposed to sweat too much until it comes off/out on its own, which is projected to be some time early next week. I also can't really wear a hat, for my own comfort really.

Had to take my eyebrow piercing out for the CAT scan and didn't get it back in in time at home (one of the ends came off at night -- luckily it landed on my laptop -- and didn't get it in right away) so my ma ended up re-piercing it for me. Didn't really hurt, just a touch more than when I first got it pierced (which didn't hurt at all), but at least it's back in. Also found out the only other piercing that needs to be redone is the second one in my left ear: das ist gut -- sehr gut. I thought I had to get everything redone.

Suppose that's it for now. Might have more tomorrow.

Dare I Say It? An Up-Turn? Not Everything, However...

Well, this entry is a bit more positive (should probably knock on wood so I don't jinx myself...hold on).

We ended up having to have my Jeep towed for repair because anything we could test wasn't what was wrong. I finally got it back today (after watching my nephew all day); it was actually done yesterday, but the time it was done we wouldn't have been able to pick it up anyways. I didn't get it until after watching my nephew because I only had a check from my folks to pay for it...they don't take checks. So anyways, it feels good to have my own wheels back! Turns out it was the crank sensor which needed replacing, which really isn't bad...neither my pops nor I knew there was even such a sensor (seems sort of superfluous to us both -- and that is my big word for the day). But, she's fixed and back in my possession!

Beginning tomorrow I will officially be making a steady paycheck again! This is good, because people can't be bothered to fucking pay me back so my money's running ridiculously low...pretty soon I'm going to have to find a loan shark hat and get the money I'm fucking owed. Anyways...apparently Petsmart pays weekly, so my first paycheck is next Thursday or Friday and I cannot wait! Money! Then I just have to get a bit saved up so everything else can work out. A family vacation to the Outerbanks has been planned for a while later in August and, as of yet, I don't know if I'll make it or not...I guess we'll see.

Lately I've been battling with a lot of heartburn, which is annoying...I'm going to go ahead and blame that on stress.

Right now Jin's licking her foot too much and it's bothering me...she sniffs it and nibbles at it too, then licks it some more. I don't know if it's bothering her or what, but I don't like it...reminds me that once things are back to "normal" I want to put her on some supplements to keep her joints healthy: I don't want my baby breaking down on me. That 15% discount will help, I imagine.

So, even though I'm focusing my pursuit on Sydney I've still been keeping tabs on the dogs that I was looking at before. Some have been adopted, some are still up for adoption...for some reason I feel I should specifically mention the two that were at the high-kill shelter in North Carolina. The GSD-Aussie-mix was adopted (YAY!!); the Lab-mix, sadly, was not...Fayden was euthanized at the shelter. It's saddening, really, even knowing that it happens every day. Something about him spoke to me, and I feel it'd be a disservice to not mention this...I don't know why, perhaps because every dog needs someone who cares about what happens to them. I'll step up and be that person for Fayden (and any of the dogs, really): hope you're worry-free and having fun at the Rainbow Bridge little guy! You and all of the shelter dogs who never made it out of the shelter system alive! Run free.

Shit Happens...Way Too Often

You know, it's really frustrating, to say the least, trying to get things in order in life and make an actual rebound when shit keeps happening. There's something wrong with my Jeep again...the engine isn't turning over despite that it was working perfectly fine earlier today. Battery is fine (and it better be seeing as it's new), the alternator gauge seems to be reading low, but seeing as everything electric is working fine that's not why it isn't turning over. My pops can't figure out what it is either...my uncle's going to be here tomorrow so I can ask him to look at it, or if the guy he knows could look at it, but who knows how long this might take. What a great fucking time for something like this when I'm waiting for a call from Petsmart about employment...

Yet again it's seeming like, just as things are beginning to make a turn for the better, they're working on turning back. That they might fall apart, at least some things to some extent. I haven't even got a real break this time either.

My birthday's tomorrow. As of Friday, 23rd of June, I'll be twenty-two. Honestly, it doesn't feel like it at all...and honestly I don't know how I feel about it. I'm not even sure how this even compares to last year when I, probably, had swine flu and my birthday present was getting pink eye...in both eyes. After the year I've had, however, I would easily exchange another bout of swine flu in exchange for starting all over, even just to the first of January.

Hopefully this passes easily enough, but as of yet...well, we'll see.

Ponderings of a Southern Yorker

Today I've really been thinking about my second dog situation. I know, what's new, right? Well, I actually haven't been thinking about it too strongly of late -- certainly not to the degree I had been before.

It's not final or anything, but, it seems there is a good chance that I will be getting this guy once things are settled on my end and his final skin scrape comes back with good news. I've been smitten with him since his very start with Southpaws, before much was even known about him and when he was still thought to be an American Bulldog; turns out he's really a stunted, backyard bred Boxer. He was, in fact, the first dog I actually inquired about after the news that I could get a second dog, but at the time it was thought he was not a good candidate for what I was looking for. Then, earlier this month (I believe) I was thrown a fantastic curveball that he was maturing to quite probably be exactly what I'm looking for (I was still smitten with him and still following his progress), at which point I set aside any and all other dogs I was looking at to pursue him and get further information about him to be sure he really did meet everything. As he always has, he's sounded absolutely amazing with a strong possibility of being everything I want right now.

So, why have I been thinking about the situation more today? I've been reading different things in different places and, from there, thinking about just what I would like to do with him.

I was reading one thread and saw a bit of information about AKC PAL/IPL for unregisterable purebred dogs (so they can still compete in AKC events the same as a registered, but altered, dog would be able to); of course, being as I would like to put titles on my next dog, I decided to look into that and it definitely looks like something I would like to give a shot. Especially for only $35 as Syd does, indeed, look very much like a purebred Boxer (albeit definitely not from a responsible breeder: no way to argue that). That would allow me to still pursue a UDX if we can get that far, and, I dunno...I would just really like that number if I can get it. It's not an ego thing or anything, just with competition in mind.

Speaking of which...I was looking at the list of AKC sanctioned events that a dog with a PAL/IPL number can compete in, as well as what breeds can compete. I would most definitely like to compete in agility, obedience, and tracking; unfortunately, herding is restricted to herding breeds, Rottweilers, and Samoyeds. I would, however, still like to at least have him herding instinct tested and, if he shows aptitude, I'd like to pursue that regardless of whether I can do so through AKC or not. Really, any of this is whether I can get a PAL/IPL number on him or not. I would also like to get him CGC tested, methinks. Beyond that, I guess we'll see!

Getting Anxious

So I find out Sunday, tomorrow, when I can go and see the Aussie pups next week. I must admit, I don't like the whole sitting and waiting thing. I'm essentially waiting for two e-mails, one I know won't be here for another day, the other...I have no idea, but all this while I've been thinking and wondering how these pups might be and what I will do if they're not what I'm looking for. I'm getting antsy. Big time.

But, there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do...

For all I know they could both be nervous, timid socialization projects waiting for the right hands; or, on the other hand, one of them could be naturally confident and curious and a good candidate for what I'm looking for. It's a complete crapshoot, and I'll be honest, I'm eager to find out which it is so I can move forward with this or figure out where to go from here.

I'm still perusing Craigslist (I mean, what else am I gonna do?). Haven't really found much that fits (though there is an ACD not far from here, but I know my ma will say no to him: he sounds like a typical ACD and the way it's worded...yea, no way of getting a yes). There's been an organization posting ads up here for a high-kill shelter in Elizabethtown, NC; I'll admit, I perused their Petfinder and Dogs in Danger postings. Didn't really find a great deal: a lot of puppies, a few seniors, several hounds, quite a few nervous and scared dogs. The organization looks to be maintaining both sites, and they say there is no guarantee on health or temperament or anything.

That said...this girl caught my attention right away: she looks to be a German Shepherd-Australian Shepherd-mix. This guy caught my attention too, but not really sure why...

I know, however, that because of what I'm looking for and the stipulations I have placed on me on top of that, going the "Dogs in Danger" route is not the best of ideas unless a rescue were to pull one and I got a chance to foster first. The organization does transport, but I don't think they're a rescue so much as a network for the animals in that shelter (lots of cats, too: I could only look at a few of them -- for some reason I have a harder time looking at cats and kittens in places like that than I do dogs...perhaps because they have an even lesser chance of making it out? whatever it is, it makes me sick and sad to see them). I believe both of those dogs only have a couple of days...

In other news...in preparation for going to see the Aussie pups I cleaned out my Jeep a bit yesterday (because it needed it: bad). It could still use some cleaning, but most of what I have in there now I don't have a place to put it in my room. I've been thinking again, once I have more consistent money coming in (and enough of it), of getting a storage unit: I have a fair amount of stuff that could go in there. In the meantime, I plan on taking my truck to go and get it vacuumed out today.

Yesterday I also got the K-9 Joggers I ordered! About four days earlier than the estimated time of delivery, if I recall right. They look pretty snazzy, and Jin certainly seemed curious and even a bit excited seeing them. I'll be installing one on my bike today, and hopefully get Jin accustomed to it today as well. I woke up at nine-something and it was still cool so I decided to try and get her to go for a walk: no go. Tried both the front and back door and she'd look outside, then sit down and refuse. *Sighs* Beyond picking her up and carrying her outside, or trying to walk Sasha and her at the same time, by myself (with a knee that still isn't quite up to 100%), I don't know of much I can do when she's like that. Hopefully with a K-9 Jogger she'll be more willing to actually go out...

Updates: Second Dog

I haven't managed to find the boxes that I need to start nosework, so that entry is pending. There are further developments in the Satan's Horse saga, but I have to upload the photos yet; I think we're in the slow, torturous stages...perhaps Jin's actually interrogating the beast? Only time will tell...

In the meantime, there's been some developments in the search for a second dog (aside from several moments of overthinking and even a little bit of stepping back to think).

I had thought that, maybe, I had found the dog I was looking for in Binghamton (about an hour away). She was definitely a German Shepherd Dog-mix (quite possibly a bit of Australian Cattle Dog as well), approximately a year old, an active dog looking for an active owner. Potentially perfect, right? Well, wasn't meant to be. She was adopted Monday morning: I didn't see her soon enough.

There's been an Australian Cattle Dog-mix in Danville I've been keeping my eye on, but haven't e-mailed about since I haven't been sure how to approach the possibility of convincing my ma on an ACD-mix. I've brought it up with her, but now I don't know if he's still at Danville or not. His Petfinder page is still up, but not his Petango page.

I have a few other dogs bookmarked, but half the time I don't know what to think or how to feel...I think I'm hooked by and caught up on, even subconsciously, ACDs too much. I know they're likely to be exactly what I'm looking for, and I absolutely adore the breed, I really do. So...I guess I'm having a harder time letting go of the idea than I thought.

Recently, on Craigslist, I found an almost 6-month-old Australian Shepherd pup (well, two actually): black tris, which, I'll admit, along with a black bi is my favorite color in a lot of the herding breeds. They don't come from the greatest breeder (Thompson's Australian Shepherds in Kentucky), but I've followed links for dogs from previous litters and I've read their comments page and it sounds like they're producing dogs with some good drive, some even work livestock. They're house-trained, crate-trained, have been raised around children, dogs, cats, and horses, but...it doesn't sound like they've been socialized a great deal outside of the home, with people or places.

That's my biggest concern. I really am not looking for a second behavior project: I want a training partner. I don't want to socialize a dog beyond what is normal for the age and breed, not to mention I like bringing my dogs with me, and with the plans I have it's not just that I want a confident, well-adjusted dog, but I need one. I can't settle for less than what I'm looking for, because that's the dog I need, and I don't plan on it either.

I can't see them until next week (today was the only day this week I could have, but I wasn't able to). The more I'm thinking of it, however, the more I'm thinking of taking up an offer to foster-to-adopt dogs. That way there's not the pressure to get it right the first time and I can try a dog before making a decision and see if it really is what I'm looking for: if not, I just pass that info on and we look for the right home for that dog, and look for the next possibility. That way the overthinking is eliminated, and my vested interests are no longer a detriment to the figuring process.

I think I might go and see the Aussie pups, just to be sure (and in the meantime try and see if I can come up with a way to see how they are in new situations), but if they prove to not be what I'm looking for, then I suppose I'll have to decide whether to foster-to-adopt or keep looking and e-mailing.

Satan's Horse

So, I bought a toy that I got distracted by and was playing with all through Tops (I also bought some braunschweiger, but I'll get to that in tomorrow's post), he's a dog toy, and I learned once I had him home that he's supposed to be a horse. Well, he has cloven hooves...which a friend helped me to realize meant he was clearly Satan's horse: hence his name, Satan's Horse. Combined with his "ungodly colour" (to borrow her words) and apparently Jin's intense interest in him as well, there is no doubt that he is, indeed, the Devil's minion.

But no fear! For, you see, my dog is apparently very religious and has taken to savagely exorcising this demon by way of slaughter: yes, her own Inquisition.

He's currently safely neutralized, as you can see in this picture:

This is Jin lying on her handiwork thus far, though I fear for this Devil's minion that the exorcism is just beginning.

As she takes a break (exorcism is hard, tiring work, after all) she lays on the carcass to ensure that he does not escape, prolonging the process while guaranteeing he neither returns to the safety of Hell nor manages to escape and continue with the work he was sent to do. Even if he were to manage an escape, however, Jin is quite the holy strategist, as is evidenced by this pic showing the damage which was wrought upon this beast:

In the center there is one of his hoofhands amongst some of his stuffing. As you can see, a large portion of his face has been torn off, as well as both of his eyes and arms. Some of the rest of those parts are in this picture:

Finally, here is a complete view of the carnage:

What I have not yet mentioned is that this demon once had a voicebox as well, which Jin was sure to tear apart and rip from his throat to keep him from spreading Satan's word; similarly, she also diverted her attention from ripping apart his body to get at the heart (or blackhole) of the beast in order to tear away the Devil's Scripture once she found it upon his body. She has made sure that this minion will not be spreading the words of Satan in his lifetime. If you notice those yellow pieces: those are the remnants of his voicebox.

She also made quick and easy work of removing this beast's brains. Clearly Jin knows very well what she is doing and how best to execute her holy orders.

A Bit of Info, And a Bit of Figuring

I always figure the first post ought to have a bit of an intro, because it just seems weird to just jump into life at the moment with nothing to lead into it. Anyways, I'm a 21-year-old guy (22 this coming July) with a Jeep that needs some work, but is running, and a 6-year-old German Shorthaired Pointer-Boxer-Pit Bull-mix I adopted about five years ago from a nearby SPCA. She's my first dog who's truly mine, and she's my baby. I've learned a lot from and with her over the years, much of it behavior (and she's come a long way in that time), and I'm hoping to be able to put it to use through a career as an Animal Behaviorist and Animal Trainer...just need to get my foot in the door to get on the right path to such a goal.

Just recently I finally convinced my mother (yes, still living with the folks: I tried moving out late last year/early this year -- to put it briefly: it didn't work out) to allow me a second dog, but she has to approve it so it's really a huge, ongoing compromise. I'm doing my damnedest to work within that compromise though, even if it's not easy...

Which brings me to the figuring part of this post. Pending a response on whether my ma might possibly consider the right Australian Cattle Dog-mix, I've been taking a look at and trying to figure out how I feel about a small red Pit Bull girl at the SPCA (same one I got my current dog, Jin, from). Now, don't get me wrong, she is a great dog, I'm just trying to figure out if she's what I'm looking for...

She's ridiculously sweet and affection (though a bit...exuberant...in that department) and absolutely adores attention, especially belly rubs. I've messed with her tails, ears, face, lips, nose, touched most of her body really and she hardly cares: it's attention. She seems she could have good promise as far as obedience, at the very least the basics, and she seems she could have tracking potential. I've seen her twice and the second time we found a toy she likes, because she thinks it's cool she can squeak it herself: she goes after it full-tilt, and even actually brought it to me a few times, haha. She doesn't, however, seem very toy-motivated...

Any time she sees a dog out and about she wants to play with them and, being young, about a year and a half, she's very much puppy exuberant about it and seems disappointed when they walk past. She's literally the sort of Pit who would lick someone to death and maul them with affection than anything else (a shot to the jaw by a Pit Bull muzzle doesn't feel good, by the way, haha).

All-in-all, she's really a great little girl, and gorgeous to boot. I've been on the fence since meeting her the first time, and still am to an extent. I was told I'd know what I was looking for when I saw it, and I'm reminding myself that, since I'm looking for a dog I can work, I have to use my head in this decision. As great of a dog as she is, the more I think about it and as I was typing this, I'm beginning to think she's another great dog that just isn't what I'm looking for...she's very sweet, but I'm just not sure I feel that "click"-sort of connection, and I'm not sure she has the work-potential I'm looking for, unfortunately.

Perhaps I'll have a bit of luck in convincing my ma on an ACD-mix...everyone but her thinks one would be perfect for the situation and what we're both looking for.