Dilemma...

Okay, so my last regular job I had to get out of for my own mental health...arguably physical as well, but whatever. I was, quite literally, depressed before I quit there and it was getting progressively worse: I felt worlds better as soon as I no longer had to return to work at that place. Why did I stay that long? Quite frankly, because I needed to make money.

The job that I took and I thought allowed me to quit that job didn't really work out, so I not only wanted another, I actually needed another. Now I have one and...technically I've actually worked it for only four (well, approximately four) shifts and...I'm not enjoying it. I've had the last couple of days off and go back tomorrow and...I don't want to.

I'm sure it sounds like I'm being a picky, self-entitled insertwordofchoicehere, but I don't really give a fuck. Even in my last job I felt life was too short to put up with a job you dislike, don't enjoy, even hate (as was the case working where I was), so it's difficult justifying putting up with it for the sake of a paycheck. But at the same time I'm hurting for money...with this job I'm not sure I've given it the chance I ought to, but at the same time it was only a couple of months ago that I quit a job that made me absolutely fucking miserable. So while I can say "oh, it could get better", at the same time I know all too well what it's like working a job I truly hate going to.

Probably the biggest reason I'm not enjoying this is simply because I don't like to have to physically manhandle pretty much every dog I have to deal with, literally fight with them to get something done, because it's easier for the owners to bring their dog to a "professional" than put the time into working with them themselves. That's a big reason I worked so damn hard with my own dog, because I don't like to have to fight with a dog to do a job. Now, I know, I want to work with dogs, but unless I'm seriously missing something, I don't have to manhandle them to train them or work as a behaviorist; in fact, generally, if you have to fight with the dog as much as I have with most of the dogs I've tried doing a nail trim on, you're doing something wrong in the animal behavior field.

Besides, as an animal behaviorist, I'm working with people to actually change these behaviors, opposed to dealing with the behaviors myself so the owner doesn't have to, with no chance of actually trying to change them because that's not what my job is: it's to get the task done, plain and simple. Or so it's made to sound.

There's something that builds upon that, however. Despite hours of "training" and certifications, I still have mostly a theoretical idea on how to do certain things...I've had no real one-on-one training. Sure, the groomers I have worked with have been great with answering my questions and stuff, but no one has really worked with me to be sure I really know what I'm doing. Then I get stuck working an entire day completely alone in the grooming salon where I had to essentially train myself. I learned the computer program by myself, winged it with making phone calls and appointments and providing quotes (which I know I made a few mistakes on), read the big-ass binder handbook and learned a few things I already made a mistake on, and had to have a few people return on a different day for a nail trim to be completed because I had no one to help keep the dog on the table. No idea what they'll think of that, but I don't really care...I did what I could. Never got a break, had several moments where things were just insane, and a man ended up doing his dog's nails himself (he was a show ring Rhodesian Ridgeback; the guy had far more experience than I do with a Dremel, he just didn't have his for forgetting it at a show). That's not allowed, by the way.

I know things can get better as I gain more experience, but it's difficult to gain confidence with that experience when I can barely get a job done. Not to mention, even with the experience, I'm going to constantly be fighting with dogs and manhandling them in order for me to do something that largely frightens them. I mean, everyone says how Cockers are so horrible on the table and stuff but honestly, it's been the Labs and Lab-mixes that have been the majority of my nightmares and I know it's because most of these people just don't bother to get their dog used to it and figure it's easier to just have a groomer take care of things for them. Well, you know what, sometimes that "groomer" is just a bather who's still learning, and even when that's not the case your dog is still stressed as all hell because some stranger they've never met before is cutting their nails, something they're already scared about. The only person it benefits is the owner: the least they could do is condition the dog to being handled so it's easier, at least for the dog, but I suppose that's too much to ask if they're using it as a convenience service.

I did give one man who came in with a Lab-mix some information and told him he could look up ways to desensitize her to getting her nails cut because he admitted he had tried it himself but she reacted much the same way (though, I imagine, not as dramatically only because I had her on a grooming table): he was very receptive to it, even when I told him it would probably take a lot of time. The others I didn't think would bother with the advice, and being as I was pretty stressed out myself, I just didn't feel like bothering. I know, it's horrible, but it is what it is.

All said...I don't think I'm going to grow to enjoy being a bather/brusher, and for those who do enjoy it, believe me, you have my biggest respects. Personally, I'm wondering if I might be wise to see about either transferring or finding a different job (that is, if they don't suggest as much tomorrow)...yes, even after such short a time.